“Hitherto has the Lord Helped”

One year ago today...this is where I was!

    March 28, 2011, dawned a day that will forever be etched in my memory. I was facing the “unknown”: spinal fusion surgery. 

~ Back before surgery~

~Back before surgery~

   I remember questions racing through my mind as I walked the hospital hall, memorizing the sights and sounds. Questions such as, “What if I come out of surgery blind? Or deaf? What if I don’t make it out of surgery at all?”  I knew the risks of surgery; death was one of them, and my mind seemed to always ask the “what if’s”. I didn’t want to die yet. I wanted to graduate, to get my license, to get married and to have a family someday. It had been my prayer, though, that I would glorify God in all of this; touch the most people for Him. And I was resigned to the fact that if it was His will to take me, I was ready to go. One may criticize these thoughts, calling them morbid, or unfit to think, yet these thoughts were foremost in my mind that morning. I feared the unknown, something I didn’t know for sure about, something I hadn’t experienced as of yet. Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” And I clung to that promise in the moments to follow.

   Preparations for surgery continued and soon I was being wheeled down the hall, Mommy and Daddy at my side, towards the surgery room. A final prayer, one last hug and kiss goodbye, and they were gone. The door closed behind them, the lonely click resounding in my head. Bright Lights and Equipment, along with nurses and technicians filled the room. I became increasingly nervous, but at every panicked thought, a whispering voice filled my head, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee…” “Fear thou not; for I am with thee….” A laughing gas mask was soon placed over my mouth before the IV was inserted. One nurse signaled a fellow nurse saying, “Go ahead.” My semi-conscious brain thought she meant start the surgery and I panicked, yelling, “No!!! NO!!!” I can’t remember the nurse’s name, but she must have been an angel, soothing my fears as only a mother knows how. I fell “asleep” in peace, not knowing whether I would wake in the recovery room, or in the arms of Jesus. However, it was His will that I live, and I awoke hours later in the recovery room.

   Those days that followed were filled with pain. An allergic reaction to one of the medications left me fearing the nights and the hallucinations that accompanied them. Yet through it all, God was there! It may have been in the form of a nurse, or parent, but I knew God was with me. I could call on Him even in my drugged state.

Days in the hospital~ Please excuse these pictures, since I am obviously NOT looking my best! =)

 

   Some things tend to be bittersweet and this is one of them: the drugs left me saying some “violent” things. On one occasion I threatened to kick the nurse and physical therapist into the next room if they caused me any more pain! =)

The poor physical therapist, Dan, whom I threatened on many occasions!

One of the many kind nurses that I had.

   The hospital days were filled with my “violent sayings”, activity and adjustments. Being rolled out in a wheelchair, on the day released from the hospital, I couldn’t focus or even think about the next day, the next month, or even the next year. It was all I could do to focus on getting through the next minute!

Going home!

    Once at home, those adjustments soon became routine. After a solid month of pain, I was physically mending, but emotionally unraveled. The healing of emotions takes time, I soon learned. At every check-up six weeks, three months, and six months…time has passed and with each marker another flag has been raised saying, “Hitherto has the Lord helped!” 

First outing...Sam's Club!!! Thankfully, these chairs came in NICE and handy!

Second outing: Easter Sunday morning~

 

   Now one year out from surgery, by the help and grace of God, I have physically and emotionally mended. From the very moment we first learned about the spinal surgery and all along the pathway, God has been there at every turn and difficulty. This journey has strengthened my faith, made me draw closer to Him and trust Him in a fuller and deeper way. He has brought me through SO much; provided me with SO many blessings that I am awestruck to even think about. I know I can trust Him in the future because thus far has He brought me and “Hitherto has the LORD helped!!!!!”

Back after spinal surgery!

 Praising HIM, 

Natasha Mae Hausman